Hi Kris, you have to keep your tone study very simple with flat tone as much as possible to see the contrast between these masses . Not to much effect and details, they tend to break your whole design in many pieces ( look again your design,what you have right now is the camouflage effect) and you can not see clearly the contrast between those masses.: the mass of the horse against the girl. The girl against the sky, the rock,. The ground beside the horse etc....
About the drawing, readjust the girl face. less hair on top. The spacing of nose to chin was a little too long, I lowered the whole face feature: eyes, nose, mouth down a little more
You need some reference for the 2 back legs of the horse for the right position of galloping horse
My tone study is just an example, you may want to change the tones, positions, sizes... of different masses
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